The no longer parallel reality of RIGHT NOW

Something clicked in me yesterday about what I’m doing here on earth. I read the chapter, “This is It”, in Hugh Mcleod’s, Evil Plans book. He told me to fight like hell to get to that place where love and work combine and are unified, that I’d have to do it every friggin’ day! And that I had to understand that “this was it” right now. I’m not waiting for some future time  – I’m not filling time to just pay bills until what I really want comes along. This is it! NOW. So simple, heard it before, but for some reason yesterday in the bath with my soggy book and cranberry juice I got the electric “aha!”

My path to the present moment. Aka, the "aha!" moment. (Image purchased from here)

My path to the present moment. Aka, the “aha!” moment.
(Image purchased from here)

I was waiting – for more money, for better relationships, for that one life-changing adventure,  for a better flat, for a better wardrobe, you name it, I was waiting for it. But this is it. And when I finally internalized “”, it was a huge before and after moment for me. Why was I waiting? And for what??? I don’t f’ing know. Maybe it was to finally go back to school and get an MBA? Maybe it was marriage?  Maybe it was to hit the £1 million turnover mark with my business? Maybe it was to live in a hot sunny climate? Such pointless obstacles to put in front of myself, and I didn’t even know they were lurking there. As a queen of the NLP reframe, I thought I had previously exorcised those types of limiting beliefs.

I want to be that woman who is sincerely doing my life’s work here and now, not someone waiting for my life to one day begin. I’m in this life now, not merely preparing for it to begin… one day. It’s the ‘life is not a dress rehearsal’ concept that has hit me at various times of my life since the early 90’s,  but didn’t stick around. I seem to have selective amnesia about living full-out in the present moment. It’s my Groundhog Day thought.

But since my lightbulb bath moment, I have truly felt so happy and in the  moment.  I got permission, AGAIN (I seem to need a lot of permission these days…), to live my own life, as it is, for what it is now. Nothing is missing, nothing is going to come and be the switch or silver bullet to make it easier, better…no… this is it. Now. The gauntlet is thrown down, and I feel so juiced up to be the best me I can be today, to use what I already have.

My life NOW is no longer a perpetual green room. It has all the elements I thought I was waiting for. It’s already beautiful and tragic, magical and mundane, sad and glorious, heartbreaking at times, but real, raw, now. Ding.Ding.Ding. I immediately feel lifted into another place, I suppose squarely into my own present moment. I’m a future thinker – the future excites me, but I have the bad habit of not tending to the moment sitting on my lap.

This doesn’t mean that I stop striving or stop setting goals, it’s just that wherever I already am, I am honorbound to use the tools I already have, do the work that is already in front of me, relate to the people that are here by my side now, at the very top of my game. There is no better game than now. And I, lucky woman, get to play it.

So I hereby raise the bar for my interactions, and challenge myself to fight like hell to be identifying where I can help, and how I can be better, how I can serve, how I can add value to other people’s lives, how I can love more, how I can authentically lead my own life. Aristotle has already provided me with some questions to ponder on this subject, and now I must move from pondering to action.

So how does this change me? Beyond the ra ra ra stuff above, which I tend to get elated about, what does this actually mean in my day to day life? What am I going to do with this information? Well firstly I’ve been putting off my health. As I’ve posted before, I want to heed Martha Beck’s advice and use my body as a useful divining rod, which can be a handy tool of reading things in the present moment. What I’m doing to/for my body right now – it’s really not good enough. I am not treating my body right, and it means that I don’t have the energy I need to fuel my vision. I have been doing Leo Babauta’s one habit a month programme, and while one of the habits I’ve chosen to build is “regular exercise”, I have kept putting off the “exercise” monthly focus. Exercise – you’re up for May.  I am going to my gym today. Signing off… squarely in the present with a grin on my face.