What is the love of your life?
I’ve begun a quest. My intention: I intend to discover what makes my heart sing with joy and aliveness, interest and excitement – and do that! Simple, right? Hah. That’s definitely not a “bah, hmmph”, or anything like that. It is however, a sense of inferiority in front of the daunting task in front of me, as well as a not unsmall proportion of excrutiating embarrassment in uttering the above statement.
OK, let’s just get out my doubt conch-shell for a moment: “Maybe this is pure self-indulgence, and I could just ‘get on with it’ as the British love to say. Take a Nike moment why don’t you? Just do what you $%^& love already. What’s the holdup??” These thoughts plague me. Why am I doing this precious “search” and why do it in a public fashion for all to cringe to, in unison? The Why’s circle in around me like that particularly striking Hyena scene from Planet Earth.
I’m not sure. I’ve been on a search for a long time. Not unusual, I know. There are a lot of seekers out there. I wonder endlessly if it is that easy… really… to just stumble upon what absolutely thrills you in this life? Or does everyone receive their tablet of truth sometime in their childhood and then depending on whether or not they accidentally drop it at some point on the granite floor of their childhood kitchen, do they then carry it through to the present day?
For some, sure. I’ve seen it. 12 year old finds life path in science class. Musician passionately glued to guitar since grade school. Sure, it exists. But what about the rest of us? I run monthly discussions groups in London where people talk openly about these kinds of things. There is a lot of uncertainty out there.
So, to Rainer Maria Rilke we go. (God, I love that name). “You are so young, so before all beginning, and I want to beg you, as much as I can…to be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.”
The questions include: How do I find that thing, those things, that passion? How does it work? Do I work at it everyday, or does it just strike me across the back of the head one day? I’d prefer the latter, but I figure it’s probably the former, and so I am setting up a daily practice of what I’ve heard called many things, but most recently: “Heartplay“.
Heartplay is something that brings you back into your life. It is something to do with total abandonment, joy, and clarity. It is ENERGIZING for your body. It has it’s own momentum, it’s relaxing and therapeutic and makes you feel satisfied, absorbed and free!
It sounds like a tall order, but I truly believe that the more I know about who I am, what I love, what I hate, what excites me, and what drives me, the easier it will be to achieve what I want to do, and the easier it will be to be to reach a sense of fulfillment.
So, join me on this quest. We’ll all be better for it. A better life comes from better questions – and the key questions I am answering at the moment, is what makes me happy? What makes my heart sing? What is my heartplay? I’d love to know yours.